


Lucky

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst too, Anxiety Disorder, Does Jake Dillinger is wingman, Does Rich Goranski is wingman, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, It’s a disease and it comes in later, Jeremy can sing but is too shy, Kropp Records, Michael can sing and play the ukulele, Michael is doing his goddamned best, Music, Panic Attacks, Professional singing, Singing, Songfic(kinda?), Talent Shows, These tags will make more sense once we get into the story I promise, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Vocal fold nodules, based off a youtube video
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-04-14 15:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14138637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jeremy loves the sound of Michael’s voice. And although Jeremy can’t understand why, Michael loves the sound of Jeremy’s.One day, Michael ‘accidentally’ lets it slip that Jeremy can sing like a god. It wouldn’t be so bad...if Rich hadn’t taken the incentive and signed both Michael and Jeremy up for the school talent show without asking them.“It’ll be an experience!”It’s a journey from there.





	1. 3.5 Types

**Author's Note:**

> So! This story is going to be kinda long! Not sure how long yet, but I have a loose story line planned out and uh...yeah. There’s gonna be heartbreak and road trips and singing everywhere. 
> 
> Right! So I got inspired to write this after watching a video that MushieR. posted not so long ago! Go watch it cuz it’s great. https://youtu.be/pu2kXucJcGk
> 
> I think that’s it for now! Oh, maybe I should mention that it’s establishsd that Christine is aromantic and that Michael and Jeremy are both way into music. Kk think I’m done heere. 
> 
> Hence this bulls*** musical-heartbreak journey begins.

Michael had three different types of voices, Jeremy had noticed. 

There was the Public Voice, which Michael usually used to belt musical lyrics with Christine at lunch. Everyone in the Squip Squad knew Michael’s singing voice as this one. Loud, bold, smooth, and full of energy. 

Then there was the Private Voice. It was softer, more careful. Michael used this one at home. In front of his moms, Jeremy, or Mr. Heere. It was special because Michael only let a few people hear it. It was one of Jeremy’s favourite voices because he got to hear Michael’s voice all beautiful and clear. (And singing things other than Falsettos.)

Lastly, there was the Jeremy Voice. He’d named it after himself because he only ever heard it when he asked Michael to sing specifically for him. Jeremy only ever asked when they were absolutely alone. Michael used this voice to calm Jeremy down during anxiety attacks, and it brought Jeremy back every time. This voice was unbelievably soft and sweet. 

Jeremy had categorised Michael’s three different voices a long time ago. He found himself mentally checking off which voice Michael was using whenever he sang. Part of Jeremy chided himself because, after all, it was a little creepy to be able to differentiate a persons voice types, even if they were your best friend. But the other part of himself liked pretending there were different categories. He liked thinking that there was a certain voice that no one heard except him. 

“Jeremy, I swear to fucking god, if you don’t stop spacing out I’m going to shove this ice cream in your face.” Michael’s (non-singing) voice brought Jeremy out of his thoughts. The sound of the cafeteria suddenly filled his ears. He flushed and waved his hands frantically in surrender. “Woah, calm down there, Mike,” He eyed the ice cream that Michael held in his hand. “I’m sorry. Were we, uh, talking about something?” Jeremy glanced up at the rest of the Squad. They all looked mildly amused. Jeremy frowned slightly, looking back at Michael. He’d stopped angling the ice cream like it was a weapon and now just held it loosely. “Yeah, I was trying to defend you, but you ruined it.” Michael smirked slightly, scrunching up his nose and taking a bite out of his cone. 

“Defend me?” Jeremy questioned, tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear. Michael nodded. “Rich mentioned that you weren’t really paying attention in calculus. And then Jenna accused you of never actually listening to anything I say, and that’s why we got along so well?” At Jeremy’s quizzical glance, Michael sighed in defeat. 

Christine licked her lips and leaned forward in her seat. “Like, Michael can rant about whatever he wants and you can just space out and not listen. And Michael thinks you’re actually listening.” Michael motioned to Christine, nodding in agreement. “That. Anyways, I was like, ‘no way, Jeremy always listens to what I say. Right, bud?’ But when I turned, you were off in LaLa Land.” Michael flicked Jeremy’s forehead lightly, feigning annoyance. But Jeremy could see the spark of endeaarance in his eyes. 

“Well, sorry you didn’t get to rub something in everyone’s face, this time.” Jeremy teased, turning back to his food and picking at the glob of cheese on his enchilada. “And I don’t space out when Michael talks to me,” Jeremy glanced up at the rest of the Squad. “If I did, I’d never be able to get along with Michael. Trust me,” Jeremy slid his elbow onto Michael’s shoulder with a small smile. “You have to know what he’s talking about to know what he’s talking about, ya get me?” Michael burst into a laugh, shoving Jeremy away.

And then everyone started talking again. Jeremy, glad he’d escaped conversation, turned back to stare at his uneaten food. 

Jeremy had always had the bad habit of getting lost in his own brain. He’d block everything else out and just think of what he wanted to think about. It was nice most of the time, but not when he was supposed to be absorbing information in calculus. 

“Jer.” Michael poked Jeremy’s side, making him jump and let out an attractive squeak. Michael smiled slightly at that, but offered the last few bites of his ice cream cone. Jeremy opened his mouth to decline, but Michael pressed a finger to Jeremy’s lips and shot him a half glare, half unimpressed look. “You’re going to eat this if I have to shove it down your throat. And I will do that. Don’t doubt me.” Michael waved a finger before handing Jeremy the rest. Jeremy pretended to pout, but ate it anyways. As he chewed, he threaded his fingers through Michael’s. Michael gave a squeeze in response without batting an eye, not disrupting his heated argument with Brooke. Something about ‘Daisy is a bitch, Brooke, that’s why Peach got to marry Mario. Daisy and Luigi are the perfect trash couple.’ And then a ‘But Peach never really married Mario because every time she tries Bowser kidnaps her.’

Jeremy smiled to himself as he let the stress melt from his body. Even holding Michael’s warm hand made him feel so much better. 

Hand holding had started a little after the Squipcident. Jeremy had needed physical touches to ground himself, and Michael had been (and still is) the only one he felt comfortable touching all the time. He loved the Squad, but Jeremy believed that physical contact was something other people should have to earn. Michael had more than earned that trust through 13 years of friendship. (Jeremy tried not to reprimand himself by adding ‘yeah, but he probably doesn’t trust you because of your stupid need for popularity and a girl that turned out to be aromantic.’) Besides, the two had always been pretty physical. Looping their arms together, bumping shoulders, even cuddling on certain days. 

Jeremy was usually the one to initiate the cuddling sessions, but he always made sure to have a very platonic reason behind it. “I’m really tried today. And emotionally unstable.” “I’m just kind of touch starved.” “I’m high, what did you expect?” Michael had never complained, so Jeremy never felt guilty. 

The bell rang then, signalling the end of lunch. Jeremy got up and dumped his tray. When he returned, Brooke, Chloe, and Michael had hung behind for him. He rushed to reach them, not wanting to hold them back any longer than necessary. 

“—okay, if we drop this argument, I’ll let you paint my nails.” Michael said, looking riled up and irritated. Brooke brightened at that, brushing some of her hair behind her ear. “Omg, really?” Chloe pursed her lips slightly, glancing at Jeremy. “Maybe we can all get together and paint each other’s nails.” Michael wriggled his eyebrows, nudging Chloe. “Wow, next thing you’ll be proposing we braid each other’s hair and sing One Direction—“

“Don’t push your luck, Mell.” Chloe scowled, but there was no real heat behind it. Brooke clapped her hands excitedly. “Yes! This is great! Jeremy, you’re in, right?” All three turned to him, expectant. Jeremy felt himself blush a little, but he managed to nod and stammer out an agreement of sorts. 

“Yay! Okay, we’re doing this after school today?” Brooke looked ecstatic as she paused in front of her class. Chloe had somehow snuck her hand into Brooke’s, and Jeremy felt a little fuzzy just looking at that. Those two had gotten together a few weeks ago, after Jeremy had shipped them nonstop since the end of junior year. 

“Uh, I can do after school, y-yeah.” Jeremy said, licking his lips. Michael draped his arm around Jeremy’s shoulders, smiling easily. “Yup, me too.” He popped the p. Chloe shot them a thumbs up and said, “Great. We’ll meet you at Michael locker after school.” Jeremy and Michael nodded, waving as Chloe and Brooke entered their respective classroom. 

“I’m actually...excited?” Michael said as they began the rest of the way down the hallway. They had history next. Together, thankfully. “Me too,” Jeremy smiled at Michael, feeling a little looser around his Player One. It surprised him sometimes how easy it was to be around Michael. He loved hanging around Christine and Rich and everyone else, but no one else could be Michael. Jeremy liked it that way, anyways. 

As they entered the classroom, Michael unwrapped his arm around Jeremy. 

He found he missed the warmth almost as soon as it was gone. 

//

At the end of the day, while Michael and him were waiting for the bell to ring, Jeremy brought out his earbuds. 

“Woah, I haven’t seen those in a while.” Michael cooed as soon as he spotted them. Jeremy shrugged slightly, smiling. “I’m just always...graced,” He shot Michael a look. “With your music. So I never really need my own. But.” Jeremy offered an earbud to Michael, who gratefully took it, shifting in his seat so that they didn’t have to strain their necks across the aisle. 

Jeremy pressed the shuffle button on his favourite playlist. It was called ‘Jeremy’s Happy Playlist! (ONLY ON GOOD DAYS).’ He had six playlists total, including the one currently playing. Jeremy’s Sad Playlist (For bad days), The Songs Michael Tells You To Listen To But You Never Do Playlist, Sleepy Time Playlist, Indulging Your Musical Side Playlist, And NEVER SHOW THIS TO YOU-KNOW-WHO Playlist. ‘You-know-who’ referred to one Michael Mell. 

Jeremy didn’t talk about that playlist. 

“Ingrid Michelson? I didn’t know you dug her music.” Michael’s eyebrows raised in surprised appreciation as the song played. Jeremy sighed at the familiar tune, leaning back in his seat. 

“I just wanna be ok, be ok, be ok.” Michael sang. It was the Public Voice. Jeremy mentally checked that type off. He hummed under his breath, refusing to sing out loud in class where anyone could hear his terrible voice and make fun of it. 

“And to answer you, yes, I dig Ingrid. Her songs are amazing, dude.” Jeremy smiled as the song ended, bleeding into the next song. This one was You And I. “Wow, is this whole playlist Michelson?” Michael asked, raising an eyebrow with a small grin. Jeremy swatted at Michael’s arm, shaking his head but grinning. “No, believe it or not, it isn’t. There’s some Banners...besides, the playlist is on shuffle, what am I supposed to do about what it plays?” Michael just drummed his fingers on the desk to the beat, humming in response. 

The bell rang just as the song ended, which Jeremy guessed was a miracle from a divine being. Michael pulled his earbud out and rose in his seat, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and beginning towards the door. Jeremy stuck the other earbud into his ear, enjoying the music that was blaring into his brain. It had always been his biggest escape. 

Michael was waiting for him at the door, mouthing what Jeremy assumed were lyrics. Jeremy smiled at Michael as Michael winked and began towards his locker. Jeremy followed suite, nodding his head to the music. 

I am in love with a boy,  
Manufactured to destroy,  
So I shall unravel my love,  
Like an old red woolen glove.

Jeremy thought the words to the song, humming slightly. He knew that it would be hard to hear humming over the buzz of everyone in the hallway, but he didn’t exactly want to risk it. He’d always been shy about singing in public. He barely even let Michael hear his singing. 

Michael waved his hand in front of Jeremy’s face, trying to get his attention. Jeremy pulled an earbud out, rushing out a small apology. “Sorry,” Jeremy said. Michael waved his hand and asked, “Do you need to stop at your locker?” Jeremy shook his head, glancing inside of Michael’s still open locker. He grabbed the box of cinnamon Altoid’s towards the corner. Michael always kept a box in his locker, claiming his breath stank. Jeremy had always agree it stank...of cinnamon from all the Altoid’s. 

“I’m stealing one of these.” He said simply, no real question behind it. Michael grinned and reached for one himself. “I’m glad your finally paying attention to oral hygiene.” Jeremy stuck his tongue out at Michael, to which Michael waved his hand in front of his nose, pretending to be disgusted. Jeremy rolled his eyes, but he grabbed an extra mint before he put the box away and closed Michael’s locker. 

Chloe and Brooke approached as Jeremy slipped the extra mint into his mouth. “Are those drugs?” Brooke yelled, eyes widening. Chloe swatted at Brooke’s arm, eyes widening. A few teachers and students turned in response, looking at Jeremy and Michael suspiciously. Jeremy flushed and Michael facepalmed. “They’re Altoid’s, Brooke.” Michael supplied, groaning slightly. Brooke’s lips formed in an ‘O’ as she sheepishly waved her hand. “That makes more sense. Sorry about that.” She giggled. 

“So. Who’s driving with who?” Chloe asked as they fully reached Michael and Jeremy, lifting a perfectly shaped eyebrow. “Jer’s riding with me.” Michael said immediately, placing a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder. “Alright, lover boy. No need to get possessive.” Chloe smirked in response. Jeremy didn’t think it was possible to flush as hard as he did. He could even make out the pink in Michael’s tan skin. Brooke smiled sweetly at that. “When are you two going to get together, anyways?” 

“We are not talking about this.” Michael hissed, moving his hand off of Jeremy and clenching his jaw. He and Brooke seemed to have a silent argument with their eyes. Jeremy watched Michael, trying to get a read on what he was thinking. All he could hear was the music in his earbud, though. Jeremy was about to take it out, but Michael apparently won, because Brooke promptly said, “Well, Chloe’s driving me. So I suppose I’ll just give you the address to my house and we’ll all drive there together.” 

Chloe nodded to that, picking at one of her nails as she said, “Mike, are you gonna stop for snacks on the way?” 

“Hell yeah.” Michael replied, grinning. Jeremy frowned, wanting to ask about what had just happened with Brooke. But Michael was suddenly pulling him down the hallway towards the exit. Chloe and Brooke promptly followed. 

“Do you guys think it would be okay if I did your makeup?” Chloe asked as they emerged into the warmth of summer. Jeremy practically beamed at the sun’s warmth. He loved warm weather. (Well, not entirely. He burned far too easily.) 

The music was still playing in his ear as he said, “I’m okay with makeup. As long as, you know, you don’t poke my eye out or anything.” Brooke and Michael both laughed at that. Chloe smirked and patted Jeremy’s head. “No promises,” She teased. Her face grew a little more serious as she added, “But seriously, though, I won’t. Those makeup brushes are my magic wands.” Brooke nodded hastily in agreement. “They really are. She’s so good at makeup.” Brooke leaned up on her tiptoes to give a kiss to Chloe’s cheek. Jeremy and Michael shared a knowing glance as Chloe flushed a light pink. 

“I’m okay with makeup too. Just...nothing with the lips. Please.” Michael said as they reached his gold (or as Jeremy liked to phrase it, shit coloured) PT Cruiser. “Noted.” Chloe replied, winking. 

“Okay, we’ll see you two in a few minutes.” Brooke said, smiling. She began to pull Chloe away, but paused suddenly. Almost as an afterthought, she said, “I should probably give you my address, huh?” Michael laughed at that, and even Jeremy smiled. 

After Michael had plugged the address into his Maps app, he waved Brooke and Chloe goodbye. Jeremy mock-saluted his goodbyes to the girls and then got into the car, sticking his other earbud back in. He knew Michael wouldn’t mind. 

Jeremy watched as Michael started the car, drumming his fingers on the wheel. He couldn’t help but notice Michael’s (perfectly plump, pink, soft-looking) lips moving as he began to back up his car. 

Jeremy bit his lip, reaching up to ‘brush some of his hair back.’ He actually inconspicuously paused his music. Now he could hear Michael’s singing and not have to pretend to not hang off of every note. 

“Do you hear me, I'm talking to you. Across the water across the deep blue ocean. Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying...” Michael sang in a soft and delicate voice. Jeremy checked it off as...it sounded like the Jeremy Voice? “Boy I hear you in my dreams. I feel your whisper across the sea. I keep you with me in my heart. You make it easier when life gets hard,” Michael continued as he began driving down the main road, bobbing his head to a beat that Jeremy didn’t recognise. But the voice. Jeremy was sure of it now; that was the same voice Michael usually used when Jeremy asked him to sing. 

As Michael continued throughout the song, Jeremy tried not to glance over and watch. The sound seemed to pound right through the plastic earbuds in Jeremy’s ears. He found himself growing relaxed and sleepy by just listening. ‘I don’t have to be anxious to appreciate that voice,’ He thought to himself as he moved his gaze out the window. 

If this was the ‘Jeremy Voice,’ then...maybe this voice wasn’t one specifically for him. Although the thought made Jeremy a little sad, it made more sense. Of course Michael didn’t have a voice just for boring ol’ Jeremy. Why would he? 

Jeremy decided he needed to come up with a different name and concept for this voice. As they neared 7-Eleven, Jeremy furiously listened, trying to gather the sound before Michael stopped singing. 

“I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend. Lucky to have been where I have been. Lucky to be coming home again.” Michael seemed so into the music that Jeremy had to steal a glance. Luckily, Michael was too busy singing to notice. Jeremy flushed at how happy he looked. Michael just looked so...at peace. Like he was meant to be doing this right here, not anything else. 

So maybe this was the Michael Voice. Jeremy named this familiar yet somehow foreign type of Michael’s voice. Maybe it was the voice that Michael didn’t really show to anyone. It was the one that he used when he thought no one was listening. Jeremy knew for a fact that there were things he’d say to himself but never to anyone else. Secrets and thoughts that only he knew. This must be the same concept. 

But then again, Jeremy had mistaken this voice for the recently renamed Jeremy Voice. So maybe...maybe Michael only let Jeremy and himself hear this voice. Jeremy felt slightly warm at that. This seemed better than the latter voice type. This was one that Michael felt he could share with Jeremy. A part of him that he didn’t show to anyone. Anyone but Jeremy. 

For some reason Jeremy found himself getting impossibly emotional in the passenger seat of Michael’s PT Cruiser over this. 

When Michael parked the car in front of 7-Eleven, Jeremy pulled out his earbuds and, against all better judgement, reached over and enveloped Michael in a hug. 

Michael seemed a little shocked, but almost like an instinct, his arms wrapped around Jeremy almost instantly. “Hey, it’s ok, what’s wrong?” Michael’s voice was soft, confused, and worried all at once. It made Jeremy chuckle slightly. He pulled away and just beamed at Michael, feeling fluttery at the conclusion he’d just come to. “It’s nothing. Can’t I hug my best friend just because he’s the best?” Jeremy responded as he rolled his headphones back up and stuffed them into his pocket. Michael opened his mouth to reply, and Jeremy could have sworn he saw the hint of a blush on his cheeks. “I mean, sure you can. I just...thought something was up.” Jeremy just smiled again and opened the car door. “Nope. I’m all good. Let’s go, yeah? Brooke and Chloe will be waiting.” Michael blinked once. Twice. Then nodded, looking out of it. “Y-Yeah...”

Jeremy still felt giddy as he entered the gas station. Michael wasn’t far behind him, but he seemed to be trailing behind Jeremy a little. Jeremy didn’t mind. He was too wrapped up in his own thoughts, anyways. 

That fluttery feeling in his chest was a new thing. It had started after Christine broke up with him. Jeremy hadn’t exactly touched that feeling; had never asked himself what exactly it was. He didn’t want to, if he was being honest with himself. At this moment, he just enjoyed the light feeling he’d gotten. It was better then feeling anxious or sad. So Jeremy would take it. 

“I’ll get the slushies, you get the chips.” Michael suddenly said, finally catching up to Jeremy and nudging him. Jeremy nodded, the smile still fading on his face. “Aye aye.” 

Jeremy gathered his snacks in happy silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> In order, the songs mentioned were: 
> 
> Be Ok by Ingrid Michelson  
> You And I by Ingrid Michelson  
> Lady In Spain by Ingrid Michelson  
> & Lucky by Jason Mraz (ft. Colbie Caillat.)


	2. Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rich does something. (Since he has 100% lack of control.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh. I’m alive, in case you were wondering. 
> 
> I’m so sorry it’s been forever since I’ve updated. I’ve been moving around the country and I’ve had a nasty case of writers block. It sucks. I had to pretty much force myself to sit down and write this chapter. (I hope the quality is as good as it should be.) 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

“Wise men say only fools rush in. But I can’t help falling in love with you,” Michael strummed his ukulele in perfect time with his singing. He was using a variation of the Private Voice and the Michael Voice. Jeremy mentally listed it off and then went back to listening, eyes remaining peacefully closed. “Shall I stay? Would it be a sin? If I can’t help falling in love with you.” There was a long pause in Michael’s smooth, impossibly gorgeous voice. So long that Jeremy opened his eyes and turned to the side, making eye contact with Michael. 

Michael, on the other hand, was staring at Jeremy. As soon as their eyes met, he looked away, blinking furiously and looking like a 7-year-old that just got caught eating the last cookie. Jeremy felt his own blush beginning, but Michael began strumming again. “Like a river flows,” He sang. Jeremy noted that his voice had bled into pure Michael Voice. Soft and blossoming with something. “Surely to the sea. Darling, so it goes. Some things were meant to be—“

“Take my hand,” Jeremy suddenly joined Michael, smiling slightly. From his sitting potion against the headboard, Michael grinned and strummed a little louder. “Take my whole life too,” They sang in harmony, Jeremy’s voice a little higher than Michael’s but still on pitch. “For I can’t help falling in love with you.” 

Jeremy liked the way their voices sounded together. It was almost like they were meant to be intertwined like that. Meant to be paired in a duet. He let his eyes close again as he nuzzled into Michael’s bed, turning on his side. “Like a river flows surely to the sea, darling so it goes, somethings are meant to be.” Jeremy almost surprised himself as he hit the high note. Michael could hit it perfectly...an octave down. Jeremy was really accessing his falsetto voice. 

Michael apparently noticed too, because he suddenly stopped strumming and slammed his hand on the wood of his ukulele. “Dude!” He yelled. Jeremy jumped, the odd, peaceful trance of their intermingled voices shattered. Leave it to Michael Mell to destroy a moment. Jeremy sat up, mirroring Michael’s criss cross position and rubbing his eyes. 

“What?” He asked finally, yawning. Michael looked utterly flabbergasted at Jeremy’s words. “Did you just ask me ‘what’? Jer! Dude! Bro! Brocidon of the brocean!” Jeremy was suddenly laughing despite himself, nudging Michael’s shoulder. “What?” He asked again, grinning. Michael let out a sound that sounded like a mix between a strangled cat and a dying bird. “That note! That was, what? A-An,” Michael was suddenly plucking different strings on his ukulele. “An E? No, no, higher...” Jeremy watched in slight confusion and amusement and Michael plucked like a madman for a moment. 

Then, after plucking a higher sounding note, he let out a triumphant shout. “G! Okay, that was a high G that you sang, dude, and let me just say,” Michael set his ukulele down and grabbed both of Jeremy’s shoulders, looking him in the eye. “That’s pretty up there for a guy’s voice. Like, amazingly high. Like, soprano high! And you’re a guy!” Jeremy offered a lopsided smile, shrugging. “Last I checked, yes, I’m of the male gender.” Michael scoffed, pulling his hands away to grab his instrument again. “Whatever, man. I’m just saying, that’s a pretty high night. You’ve got mad skillz. And yes, I mentally spelled that with a z.” Jeremy snorted out a laugh, giving Michael a slap on the shoulder. Michael responded with a grin. 

“Anyways, wanna get back to singing? There’s a new song I’ve been learning...”

//

“It’s ya boi, Rich!” Jeremy was greeted by an obnoxiously loud voice that he’d somehow grown to love over the last summer. “Hey, Rich.” Jeremy said back, shouldering his backpack. The former grinned as he patted Jeremy on the shoulder. “I’ve just done you a great solid, my friend.” Jeremy frowned at that, raising an eyebrow. “What do you—“

“Hey, hey! Guess who brought donuts?” A happy voice suddenly interrupted Rich and Jeremy’s conversation. As Jeremy turned, he spotted Brooke and a box of donuts. “Lit!” Rich yelled, practically sprinting over to Brooke to steal a donut. 

“I’m dating a meme.” Another voice said from beside Jeremy. It was sudden, causing Jeremy to jump, but he calmed down when he saw it was just Jake. He offered a shaky grin. “Oh, you weren’t there when Rich decided to speak fluently in vines. It was a nightmare.” Jake laughed easily, flashing that super-star smile that made Jeremy’s heart flop without his consent. (For anyone’s information, he did not have a crush on Jake. But when your exposed to Colgate-worthy radiation, you’re affected in some way.) 

“You two should try the ‘what the fuck, Richard’ vine on him.” Another familiar voice invaded. “Hey, Jenna.” Jake patted Jenna on the back, grinning. She flashed a peace sign and a smile. “Hi.” Jeremy greeted. 

Rich approached with a fudge coated donut, lips already messy. “Ooh! Donut Day!” Jenna grinned as Brooke joined the small huddle they had going on. Jeremy watched as Jenna stole a donut, then scrunched up his nose as Jake and Rich began making out. Jake made a huge show of licking the chocolate frosting off of Rich’s lips. “Hot.” Jenna said through a bite of her donut, snapping a picture and then typing rapidly on her screen. 

“PDA! PDA!” Jeremy knew the voice without even having to turn, and he grinned immediately, stepping to the side so his best friend could squeeze into their circle. “You two are disgusting.” He said to Jake and Rich, who were still making out happily. Rich flipped him off but promptly ignored Michael. “Anyways...Jeremy, my buddy! How’s it hanging?” 

Michael slung an arm around Jeremy’s shoulders, grinning towards the rest of the group. Then his eyes met Brooke’s box of pastries. “Oh!” He hummed, making grabby hands at the box. Brooke smiled, opening it up for Michael. 

“Jer, you should take one.” She motioned to the three remaining donuts. Michael took a pink one with sprinkles, nibbling on it. Jeremy waved a hand, smiling slightly. “O-Oh, no I’m okay. I already ate breakfast anyways.” He knew that mostly everyone knew he was lying when Michael gave him a very unimpressed look, but he just bit his lip and looked away from Brooke. “Awe, c’mon Jeremy! I spent money on these! Take one!” Brooke seemed entirely undeterred as she thrust the box toward again. 

“Take a donut.” Jenna said, sliding her phone into her pocket and chewing happily on her own pastry. Rich broke off from Jake, looking dazed and giddy. He turned to Jeremy and said, “Take a diabetes sphere, dude.” Jake grinned at that, but scoffed slightly. “Donuts are not sphere’s, Richard. But dude,” Jake reached in for his own donut, leaving two left. “Take one.” He bit into his food, winking. Jeremy felt slightly infuriated as Michael squeezed his shoulder, a sly smile on his face, a knowing look in his eyes. Jeremy settled for making a very indignant sound and saying, “This is peer pressure.” Before reaching in the box and taking a simple clear glazed donut. 

“Yay!” Brooke cheered, beaming brightly. “Get Jeremy to eat like a functional human being, check.” Michael grinned, unwrapping his arm from Jeremy and slipping his headphones back on. Jake and Rich wandered off, saying something about heading to library. Jenna waved as they left, then turned back to the group to say, “They’re just going off to make out in a supply closet, aren’t they?” 

“Yup.” Jeremy glanced over as Chloe finally appeared, taking hold of Brooke’s hand immediately. “Babe! Take the last donut!” Brooke opened her box happily, making Chloe smile. “Nice.” She said, reaching in. 

Jeremy stopped paying attention then, instead choosing to look up at the sky. It was clear, only a few puffs of white scattered around. He chewed another small bite of his donut cautiously, letting the sugary glaze settle on his tongue. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t like eating. Hell, Jeremy loved food. And he loved sweets in particular. He just...hadn’t been very hungry lately. And by ‘lately,’ he meant ‘since last year.’ Jeremy had decided that it was just a weird after affect of the Squip. Or an increase in his anxiety. Something related to that. Either way, he never had an appetite anymore, and when he ate, he always felt sick with himself. 

The bell ringing snapped Jeremy from his thoughts. “Come on,” Michael hummed, grabbing Jeremy’s arm. Jeremy cast a grateful look at him, knowing that Michael knew that he’d been spacing off again. They waved towards the group and then headed into school, down the hallways towards first period science. 

As they walked, Michael’s hand slipped from Jeremy’s arm to his hand. Jeremy didn’t complain. Instead, he gave a squeeze to the warmth in his hand. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Jeremy noticed that the relaxed smile on Michael’s face grew. 

//

“Guys,” Rich slammed his lunch tray on the table, a triumphant smirk on his face. There was a collective groan around the table as Rich opened his mouth to speak, causing Jeremy to laugh in his seat despite himself. “What is it this time?” Jenna asked, sounding bored as she peered over her phone screen. Rich still had that proud smirk on his face. “Well—“ 

“Hey, has anyone seen Christine?” Jake came up from behind Rich, patting his boyfriends back as he sat. Rich paused momentarily to give Jake a kiss on the cheek. 

“She told me that she got a fever,” Chloe supplied helpfully, taking another bite of her salad. “Not like Christine to get sick.” Jeremy commented, frowning slightly. Chloe shrugged nonchalantly, earning a snort from Michael. “She doesn’t care about Chris, Jeremy. She only cares about Brooke.” Chloe flushed at that, eyes going slightly wide. “Untrue! I also care about Tanya Burr and her amazing makeup tutorials!” Michael nodded along, rolling his eyes. “Sure, sure. And yeah, Christine told me she sneezed or some shit and her mom made her stay home. So.” 

“Oh, alright then. I was just worried that she’d disappeared again to practise her lines in the bathroom or something.” Jake said as he settled into his seat. 

“Anyways! Back to my exciting news!” Rich’s shark-eating grin was back at full force. “Right. News. Spit it out, then.” Chloe said, voice bored and monotone. Rich hummed a little under his breath and then said, “There’s gonna be a talent show in two weeks.” 

“So? We’ve all known about it since like, last week.” Brooke said, mouth full of strawberry parfait. Rich held up a hand. “Yes, that’s true. But! Last night, Swell Michael Mell and I had an interesting conversation. And I found out that Jeremy, get this—” Rich looked beyond smug with himself. Jeremy felt a creeping anxiety in the back of his throat. Michael had told Rich something about him? For all he knew it could be something super embarrassing! Michael knew...everything about him. From his weird obsession with Ariana Grande to that pair of pink underwear that he owned because they were really soft. What really got him is that Michael has told Rich something about Jeremy without his permission. From underneath the table, Jeremy pulled his hand from Michael’s, bringing it back into his own lap. Michael turned, mouth agape, looking slightly hurt, but Rich’s announcement interrupted whatever he’d been about to say. 

“—Can sing! Like an angel!” Rich laughed slightly at the end, showing off a pair of jazz hands as he did. There was silence around the table. Jeremy felt a little relief in his chest, though. Michael had told Rich about his singing. Not as bad as he’d first thought. Still...their musical side was a private one. Those were the times when Jeremy felt that...feeling that he never bothered to try and decipher. At its strongest, that indescribable feeling washed over him whenever Michael and him sang together. It made him feel all warm and at home. Jeremy felt slightly angry that Michael had shared that with Rich. And, technically, since Rich had opened his mouth, with everyone. 

“Rich,” Michael said through gritted teeth, giving Rich a death glare that Jeremy had only seen a handful of times throughout the past ten years. Rich didn’t pay Michael any attention. Instead, he continued. “And Michael, as you all know, has an amazing voice. And since those two gays are best friends, I signed them up for the talent show!” 

Jeremy was pretty sure his heart stopped in his chest when he heard that. 

The rest of the group snapped out of their trance and began grinning and laughing. “Woah, dude! That sounds awesome!” Jake exclaimed, chuckling. Jenna was smiling along, phone set aside. “Yeah! I’ll definitely be there to record it.” Brooke looked beyond excited, smiling widely. “This is so amazing, you two! I can’t wait to hear you sing together!” Rich went along with it, seeming pumped. “Be there or be square!” He called, directing it towards Chloe(who groaned).

Jeremy and Michael both made eye contact for a second, Jeremy’s eyes wide and Michael’s face pale. 

“You what now?” Michael asked, turning to Rich. Said midget just grinned and waved a hand nonchalantly. “Awe, c’mon! You guys do everything together, this is just another thing to add to the list! It’ll be an experience!” 

Yeah, Jeremy thought bitterly. A chance to experience levels of anxiety no one has ever felt before. 

As if sensing Jeremy’s uneasiness, Michael went to grab Jeremy’s hand for comfort. Jeremy made direct eye contact with Michael and tore his hand away from Michael’s grasp. “I’m not hungry.” He said to the table as a form of excuse. Then he got up and walked to a place that he went when he needed to be alone with his thoughts. 

The school library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley
> 
> That happened! Hope you enjoyed and thank you so much for reading! I’ll try to update as soon as my writers block will allow me.


	3. Pep Talks and Epiphany's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy cools down and then comes to a realisation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is maddeningly short. I’m sorry. Forgive me for I have sinned. 
> 
> ANYWAYS. Hi, I’m alive. Enjoy this chapter of intense pining and friendship that doesn’t involve Michael. (At least in the beginning) Yay!!

Jeremy always found the school library an interesting place. The floor was crickity in certain places and it reeked of dust and old ladies. There were weird kids sitting in corners contemplating life and bored-looking jocks with tutors at the back tables. Jenna swore that she walked in on someone jerking off once.

Jeremy went because he knew he could just be another loser in the corner, overthinking his decisions without disturbance.

So, as he entered the doors and was hit with the musty wave of lint, he scouted out the nearest corner with a beanbag and beelined for it.

What he didn’t expect was to find another person pulling a book off the shelf right next to the beanbag he’d had been aiming for. Even more shocking: it was Christine Canigula.

“Christine?” Jeremy whisper yelled, surprise evident in his tone. His theatre loving friend glanced up from the book she had and immediately went into a blind panic, slamming her book shut. “J-Jeremy! Um! Hi? I know everyone thinks I’m sick but—“

“So you’re not sick?” Jeremy asked, surprise having washed away a little. He took a seat next to Christine, settling comfortably into the faded blue beanbag and then looking up at her. She gulped and bit her lip.

“See, technically I’m supposed to be at home. My mom got all worried after I sneezed and made me stay in bed. But...I kind of started thinking about what kind of sickness I had, if any?” Christine invited herself to sit next to Jeremy in the beanbag, squishing them together.

Jeremy scooted over a little, cheeks dusted with red. Two months ago, this would have made him stutter and sweat beyond words. But now, he knew his feelings. And they weren’t for Christine.

“Like, maybe I had the Black Death. You know, the plague in the late 1340’s in Europe?” Jeremy barely nodded before Christine began again. “Cos, like, you never know when ancient diseases could come back. And then I started thinking about how Shakespeare was alive during that time period. And then I got myself in the mood to read some Sonnet’s. So I came here.” She beamed as she motioned to the book in her grasp. It was titled _Shakespeare’s Sonnets._

“I _would_ go to the public library, but my mom works there...” As Christine prattled on as she always tended to do, Jeremy listened with interest. Anything was good to distract him from his frustration at Michael. (It was mostly embarrassment, but he tried to convince himself it was anger.)

“Anyways,” Christine sighed, apparently finished with her rant. “Long story short, I came here for a book and planned to go straight back home. I figured of all times, lunch time would be the one when I wouldn’t run into anyone.” She glanced over at Jeremy, an unasked question in her eyes. He swallowed and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.

“Er, yeah. Wait a second, though. You’re literally the biggest Shakespeare nerd—no offence,” Jeremy added quickly. “None taken.” Christine chirped. “In school. You seriously don’t own, like, every piece of writing Shakespeare ever wrote?”

Christine sighed longingly. “That’s the dream, kid. But sadly, the shelves in my room can only take so much.” Jeremy nodded along, mainly just trying to keep this conversation flowing.

“So, you have a lot of books? Maybe I could—“

“Jeremy.” Christine interrupted, a slight smile on her face. A pity smile. Jeremy hated pity smiles. He cut himself off, eyes slightly wide. “I know you’re avoiding my question. Why are you in here? Lunch isn’t even over yet.” Jeremy licked his lips slowly, fingers fiddling endlessly with his cardigan sleeve. He sighed irritably.

“Well...”

He relayed the story to her. It wasn’t dramatic or long or half as infuriating as he remembered it being. He tried to portray how angry he was, but when he’d finished, he didn’t feel too upset anymore. If anything, he felt a little guilty.

It really hadn’t been Michael’s fault. Michael knew Jeremy’s boundaries. Of course he did. He was Jeremy’s best friend. He’d know what not to tell people and what was okay to share. In all reality, Jeremy shouldn’t be mad at Michael.

He should actually be upset at Rich, who signed them up without their permission.

God, this meant he’d have to sing in front of the whole school. What if his voice cracked? It _would_ , he knew it would. Jeremy didn’t have a good enough voice for public viewing. It was decent, at best. If he sang in front of everyone, they’d just make fun of him.

“Wow, let’s take a few deep breaths. I can just hear you degrading yourself in your head.” As always, Christine knew just what to say. She reached over and began to rub Jeremy’s back, a patient and caring smile on her face. He took a deep breath or two, like instructed.

When he’d cleared his mind, he smiled back at Christine. “Th-thanks. You’re literally the—the best.” She beamed back.

“I try. And hey, don’t worry too much. You can always just go and un-sign yourself up. No harm, no foul. It’ll turn out okay.” Jeremy sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“Of course I am. But, if you _do_ decide to go through with it, you can always ask me for advice. On, you know, how to control your voice when you’re nervous. I’ve done countless musical auditions.” Christine smiled proudly, retracting her hands from Jeremy’s back. He found he kind of missed the physical touch. Which was sort of weird, considering he hated physical contact with anyone besides Michael.

“I don’t think I’ll do that, but...yeah. Sounds good.” As if following their conversation, the bell rang at that moment. Christine stood up and stretched, book still in hand.

“Alrighty, then. You’d better get to class. Let Michael know your not really mad at him, let Rich have it, cancel your talent show performance. The works.” Christine offered Jeremy her hand. He took it gratefully.

“Uh, thanks. For the talk.” Jeremy smiled at Christine, feeling calmer. She shot him a peace sign.

“No prob, Bob. Oh, also, do me a favour and don’t tell anyone you saw me. I was never here,” Christine wiggled her fingers ominously as she backed up into the book shelves. Jeremy chuckled slightly as he walked away and made his way out of library.

 

//

 

When Jeremy walked into last period history, Michael wasn’t there. He didn’t know for sure why, but he had a sneaking suspicion. The thought made him sick with guilt. And he’d left his phone in his locker, so he couldn’t text him. (Mr. Milton never let you leave the class after you were inside.)

He passed the hour of boring U.S. history by doodling all over his paper. His drawings ranged from song lyrics to Richard Goranski with devil horns. He enjoyed drawing a bigger Jeremiah Heere that yelled fiercely at Rich. It made him smile.

He also tried to come up with something to say to Michael. _Sorry for wigging out, bro. I sort of overreacted...wanna play video games, get high, and forget how shitty of a person I am?_

Jeremy sighed exasperatedly. It sounded half-assed even in his head.

When the period finally ended, he hurried to his locker to collect his things. Jeremy shot Michael a text telling him they needed to talk and he’d come over to his house, but it went unread and unanswered.

“Heyo!” Jeremy practically jumped out of his skin as Rich appeared out of no where beside him. Jeremy glanced down, debating wether to try and keep it cool or just let loose and give his short friend a piece of his mind. Before he could decide, Rich’s grin faltered.

“Uh. Hey, dude...I’m super fuckin’ sorry.” Jeremy’s opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out but a confused squeak. Rich wasn’t the apologizing type. His version of sorry was usually just him not making any sarcastic comments in your direction for a few days.

Jeremy settled for closing his locker and pretending to check his phone, even though he knew Michael hadn’t responded.

Rich wasn’t done though, it seemed.

“I just like...did it? I mean, you and Michael are, like, two peas in a pod. I saw the flyer and was like, ‘ _Damn! I can see the Boyf’s nutting to this!_ ’” Rich paused, not meeting Jeremy’s eyes.

Jeremy couldn’t even begin to take apart was Rich had said. Maybe he would have actually preferred to be in the no sarcastic comments zone instead of this. If Rich’s apologies actually had the word _nutting_ in it, he wasn’t sure if he wanted it.

“I-I can totally go get Mr. Reyes to take you two off the list.” Rich stuffed his hands in his pockets, glancing a little over Jeremy’s shoulder. For a moment, Jeremy thought Rich was just nervous. It made Jeremy feel a little petty for being so angry, but it looked like Rich was looking _at_ something.

“Wait—“ Jeremy flipped around to see Jake holding up a piece of cardboard with everything(besides the nutting part)on it in marker. Chloe and Brooke were hiding behind Jake, and Jenna was filming the entire thing.

“Fuck me.” Rich hissed, facepalming. Jeremy’s eyes widened as everyone suddenly turned sheepish, rubbing their necks and muttering apologies. Honestly, what surprised Jeremy the most was that Jake hadn’t responded with an “With pleasure,” to Rich’s comment.

“I can totally explain,” Rich tried, licking his lips. “You should know I suck at apologies, so everyone offered—“

Jeremy burst into laughter. Of course. This was such a Rich move. It was perfect and made Jeremy actually believe the words that Rich had said. _This_ Jeremy could understand. Rich saying all those things with no help? Doubtful.

“I told you it would be fine.” Jake said, lowering the cardboard sign and grinning. The group behind him made sounds of agreement, but Rich was still eyeing Jeremy warily.

“You sure you’re not, like, mad? Madder than this?” Rich motioned vaguely to Jeremy, who finally seemed to reign himself in. He took a deep breath and shouldered his backpack, running a hand through his hair.

“Honestly Rich? This was the most heartfelt apology ever. Thanks. But, um, what you did still sucked.” Jeremy sniffed, shrugging. “But I forgive you. I mean, I can always un-sign up.” Rich nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes you can. Yup. Positively yes.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes fondly, finally bidding everyone farewell. (He made Jenna promise not to post the video anywhere. She’d shrugged vaguely, which was probably the most he was going to get out of her.)

After Jeremy managed to once and for all leave the school, he began walking towards Michael’s place. 7-Eleven was on the way, so he’d probably grab some snacks for Michael. Apology snacks to make up for his short temper and teenage mood swings.

He also silently hoped that Michael hadn’t run off somewhere where he knew Jeremy wouldn’t find him.

Twenty minutes later, Jeremy was on Michael’s doorstep. He had a plastic bag stuffed full with two bags of Doritos(one Cool Ranch and the other Nacho Cheese because Michael always dissed Jeremy’sCool Ranch ones), assorted candies, and two bottles of Crystal Pepsi. They’d recently renovated the soda and started selling it, and Michael had definitely not gotten enough yet.

Michael’s PT was in the driveway, so Jeremy knew his friend was home  

He knocked timidly, a little nervous. There wasn’t an immediate answer, like Michael had just been dying to swing the door open for someone, so there was that. Jeremy took a step back and glanced at the basement window towards the grass, seeing that there was a flashing TV screen light reflecting on the glass. Was that...Galaga? Michael was definitely home.

The door opened, and Michael stood behind it, looking curious before he spotted Jeremy. Then he just looked extremely cautious.

Jeremy immediately straightened, swallowing. “Uh, hi. Hey. Hello.” He cursed himself for stammering, pinching his arm and taking a deep breath. Michael raised an eyebrow. Jeremy couldn’t seem to form a single coherent thought, so he just opened his mouth and hoped for the best.

“I overreacted. Like, hella overreacted. I’m, like, super sorry. Even more sorry than when I decided to try and beat your play time for Ocarina of Time.” The words came tumbling out before Jeremy even had a time to edit them in his head. After they’d caught up with his brain, he decided he could have said a lot worse  

Michael didn’t react for a split second, sending fear through Jeremy, but then he grinned. “I warned you not to take up that challenge, young one.” Jeremy smiled in relief, glad to be falling right back into their usual banter and dialogue.

“I learned my lesson, Sefu Micah.” Jeremy mock-bowed, bringing his fists together. Michael laughed along, opening the door up more.

“By the way...I’m sorry too. I should have known Rich would do something like that. He has no filter.” Michael said, glancing at his shoes. Jeremy shook his head in protest.

”Don’t be sorry. Jake is like, 90% of Rich’s impulse control.” Jeremy rubbed his neck, grinning. Michael snorted at that, nodding in agreement.

“We cool?” Michael asked, offering his fist. Jeremy knocked their fists together, savouring in the warmth that bled into his knuckles. “We’re cool, dude.”

Michael then let Jeremy in and they both walked down to the basement.

“Why’d you leave school early, by the way?” Jeremy asked once they were settled into their respective bean bags and the snacks had been distributed. Michael said something, but it was muffled greatly by the Doritos in his mouth. Jeremy made a face at Michael, silently telling him how stupid he sounded. In response, Michael shoved Jeremy halfway off the bean bag. They laughed a little.

“Uh, well,” Michael said once he’d swallowed. “I sort of freaked? And I puked. Like all over the cafeteria tile. It was majorly gross.” Jeremy bit his lip to keep from making any comments. “But it was one of those times where you throw up but aren’t really sick. You just like, throw up. And then you’re good to go.” Jeremy nodded along as Michael animatedly told his tale with various vague hand gestures.

“So then I like, totally faked being actually sick. Cos there was no way in hell I was going to actually tell everyone I was fine and go on with school. Especially since you, uh, were mad at me.” Michael paused. Jeremy opened his mouth to apologise again, but Michael tumbled on before he had the chance. “So I just called my moms and told them I’d be here when they got home.” Jeremy frowned.

“Wait, aren’t they gonna say something about me being here when your supposedly sick?” He asked, setting down his soda and picking up a controller. Michael waved his hand dismissively.

“Dude, I can just tell them that I ended up feeling way better once I got home. They won’t ask questions.” He picked up his own controller and started up Apocalypse of the Damned. Jeremy shrugged.

“You’re the boss, dude.” Michael grinned at that, and something warm filled Jeremy’s gut. It was that stupid weird feeling again. That smile was just...so genuine and adorable. It did things to Jeremy’s insides that he wished it didn’t.

Luckily, the game started then, and his mind was dragged away from thoughts of Michael. Of how handsome he was, or how his hair was always messed up in just the right way, or how Jeremy sometimes thought about planting a kiss on his forehead or cheek or, god forbid, his lips. Of how sometimes Jeremy felt something sting in his chest when Michael mentioned a celebrity crush, or how he constantly wanted to be around Michael alone, with no one to bother them.

Oh.

_Oh._

Something clicked in Jeremy’s head.

“Dude, behind you!” Michael’s desperate screech snapped Jeremy back to reality, where he was about to get brutally defeated by a zombie. He saved himself just in time, getting back into groove with the game even though his heart was hammering.

Back to video games, getting high, and falling in love with his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo. Yeah. No regerts, dude. 
> 
> ALSOOOO. My friend actually has a story that I myself very much love? They write stories so much better than me. The story in general is a mafia!au. And even though there’s angst, they’ve shared the entire plot line, and there are some major twists. (And ya know happy endings?? Maybbbee??) Go read it!! https://archiveofourown.org/works/15348516

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed and that you’ll keep reading! (Friendly reminder that I usually don’t update consistently. But I do try.)
> 
> Drop me kudos or a comment. (They add another year to my lifespan.)


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